You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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