My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
