Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
