I want to stick my p in your. b.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
