Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
