So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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