i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just pee around me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
