Michael Bay diarrhea
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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