life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
