My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
