No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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