i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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