I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
