she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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