remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
