I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
