seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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