butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
