why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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