just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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