hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
