Yo dont text me then not text me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
