I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
