she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
