i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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