; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
