I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
