Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
