some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I believe in your delicious
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
