That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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