so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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