Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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