Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
