also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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