Pappa wants mamma naked
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
