new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
