sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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