She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
