Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
