I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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