Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
