Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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