Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
