and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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