I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
