How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
