yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
