her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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