when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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