Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
